Maitland MacIsaac
Guest Opinion
Each year, in June for the past 15 years parents, families and friends who have lost a child due to an accident, illness, suicide or infant death gather at the International Children’s Memorial Place to plant a tree, grieve and celebrate the life of their forever young child.
Four hundred and fifty trees have been planted over the past 15 years. Walking in our Ever Living Forest, reading the names of the children is a reminder of how precious and vulnerable our children are. The statements “I can’t imagine” or “I can’t think about it” are often used by parents who struggle to find the words to comfort a grieving parent who longs to somehow hold their child close for a lifetime.
At the tree planting ceremony, which will be held on June 23rd, it is customary for me, as chair, to talk to those attending for a few moments. Speaking to this audience is like none other.
Rarely do groups gather with the single purpose of sharing unconditional love. Every difference in each person disappears and the common bond of hurt, grieving and love permeates as people are asked to draw their child close and through the wind, birds, flowing water and listen as their child speaks to each of them.
This year, I will be talking about a topic I have not addressed before. One common thing that parents who have lost a child share is their ongoing search for ways to hold their child close. Regardless of how long it has been, parents cannot and do not want to separate themselves from their child. I use the term “the forever present child.”
Some parents, my wife Anne included, have seen their child, usually once, after they die. It happens unexpectedly any place any time. In Anne’s case, it happened shortly after Shane died 25 years ago. This has led to her “finding a dime” quest. She finds dimes in the strangest places. Each dime is put in a wooden box and becomes part of the way she lives with her son. The box is getting heavy. I have never seen Shane since he died, and I don’t collect dimes. My way is to say at the end of each day “one day closer to seeing you, son.”
I’m 76 and have lived a lot longer than I’m going to. Folks my age think about death and dying, and while I have a religious background, lately I find myself wondering what my next big adventure is going to be like, and have turned to the near death experience literature (often referred to as NDE).
Time was that talking about near death experiences placed you in the “weird” category. However, more and more people are coming forward sharing what happened to them when they “died” and then came back to life. I’m convinced something happens when you die that is an incredible, powerful loving experience.
Apparently, it's all about love - a love that transcends anything you have experienced on Earth. A love that makes you not want to return to your body. That’s good enough for me for three reasons. First, it compliments what I have been taught for decades. Second, it is something to look forward to, and most importantly, it is something my son experienced as his soul left his body. Do I know this for sure? No. What I do know is that the Ever Living Forest is filled with the loving spirits of 450 children.
We suggest that when you are out for a drive this summer, visit the International Children’s Memorial Place site in South Freetown. We refer to it as “nature’s hospital.” Walk the grounds and you will see why.
Maitland MacIsaac is chair of International Children’s Memorial Place.
