Suzanne Richards was perplexed when her husband Alan went missing.
After all, Alan was stable and reliable – a man of predictable behaviour.
Suzanne was surprised, but not overly concerned, when she learned in early December 2016 that her husband had not gone in to work.
It was not at all like Alan to stay away, without giving notice, from his job as an instructor in marine navigation at Holland College in Summerside.
The explanation for this out-of-character behaviour was soon revealed to Suzanne in a jolting call from her sister.
The 2013 black Ford Escape Alan drove was sitting on a vacant property in the Cape Bear/Guernsey Cove area with the beach accessible from the property.
Alan’s wallet was in the SUV, as were his keys. His hat and gloves were sitting on a rock.
Footprints led to the water.
Suzanne rushed to the scene, she recalls, to “yell and to scream and to try and find him.’’
She was in a state of shock.
She has since come to accept Alan’s decision to end his life, but not before enduring a great deal of raw hurt and despair over the loss of her mate of almost 40 years.
The 59-year-old Cape Bear resident met Alan through friends in 1977. They married roughly seven months later.
She was 18. He was 29.
“If you know what you want, don’t bother dragging it out,’’ said Suzanne.
“He was just an all-round, really nice guy – really stable.’’
She wanted to be married and to have children. The couple’s two sons arrived during the first few years of marriage.
The family lived in Murray Harbour. However, Alan would only spend weekends and the summer there.
He stayed as a boarder in Summerside from Monday to Friday while teaching at the college.
“He was basically the provider,’’ said Suzanne.
“He went to work all the time. He was home for the summer. I took care of the house…and run the boys to hockey all the time.’’
She marvelled at Alan’s smarts. She considered him to be nothing short of a genius.
Alan loved teaching and was described by a colleague following the tragedy as a “tremendous instructor, a man of great intelligence and integrity.’’
Sadly, Suzanne believes turmoil at work may have spurred Alan’s fateful decision. She cannot fathom any other reason.
“If you talked to anybody, they would say he was the last person on earth to do what he did,’’ she said.
She also believes with Alan’s knowledge of tides and currents, that her lost soul mate did the calculations to ensure his body would be carried away and not washed ashore. Indeed, his body has never been found.
“People say you need the body for closure,’’ she said.
“No, not in my case.’’
Alan also chose to leave the world apparently by going into the water in a spot at the foot of property he and his wife had earmarked as the location to build a home for their retirement.
Suzanne built that home on that property in the summer of 2017, roughly half a year after she lost her husband.
Letting go has not been easy.
Before the tragedy, the pair had been getting ready to slow down their pace of life, looking forward to more time spent simply sitting outside with a glass of wine or enjoying a relaxing weekend in Nova Scotia.
That prospective pleasant future was erased in early December 2016.
Suzanne was simply in shock for the first year without Alan.
Then loneliness set in. She painfully missed Alan’s early afternoon arrivals home in Murray Harbour on Fridays following the end of his teaching week at college in Summerside.
Last summer, she fuelled her numbness with pot and alcohol.
Come fall, she told herself she needed to snap out of it.
“I have to take back my life – and I did,’’ she said.
There have been setbacks and struggles.
It took some time to clear up money matters, from life insurance to Alan’s pension.
Out of financial necessity, she is even back in a boat fishing lobster — a long-time job she halted seven or so years ago following a hip replacement.
Trying to find companionship through online dating had a terrible early outcome. She was scammed for $10,000 “because I’m just too trusting and too nice.’’
Today, she is seeing a “really, really nice guy’’ and has the added companionship of two doting Dobermanns.
Suzanne said she will always have “guilt deep down’’ over Alan’s crushing departure.
Still, she feels increasingly able to deal with the loss and to move on with her life.
“I mention his name probably once a day but it’s with a smile now because I think of some little quirky thing that went on,’’ she said.
Help for Islanders
Those experiencing a mental health crisis, should seek help immediately by either calling 911, going to an emergency department or by calling the Island Helpline at 1-800-218-2885.
