Q – I’m a man, 38, who’d been in a pleasant but frustrating long-distance relationship for several years, when I met someone else through my work.
The instant attraction and excitement I felt for the new woman made the other relationship, with our inability to travel to each other ever since last March, pale by comparison.
I immediately told that person that, though I still cared for her as a wonderful person, I was sorry but had to move on due to an unexpected situation of having been lovestruck.
She said she was disappointed but cared about my happiness, and so she understood.
My new romance took off like an explosion. She fascinated me with her many facets – ambitious, smart, lively, passionate and fun.
Though we worked for different branches of our company, we practically lived together from the start, except for when she visited her health-compromised mother on her own.
But it turned out that ambitious was her driving quality. And it included cheating and lying.
I found out through gossip that she’d been having an affair with the top boss, risking both her mother and me to COVID-19 exposure.
Confronted, she initially denied it and acted like the wounded party.
One month later, she has been texting abject apologies, saying that he wooed her with false promises of business promotions and partnerships that turned her head.
She has promised she’ll never cheat on me again, that she loves me and is deeply sorry.
I’ve read your opinion answering others’ issues regarding cheating, that a couple can get past an affair if they still share a strong love, discuss openly why the infidelity occurred and get counselling together to understand why it happened.
Do I and this woman have that chance?
Seeking Hope
A - Sorry, but no. Her ambition was greater than any love and consideration for you (or for anyone else, including her mother).
She’s a user, seeking the bigger chance, higher salary, greater public profile. The likelihood of company gossip reaching you didn’t matter, so long as she climbed higher on the success ladder.
I’m betting she’ll cheat again, which is why it shouldn’t be you who’s the fall guy again.
If this reality is too much for you to accept, contact a professional counsellor requesting several online meetings, to discuss the signs and differences between instant passion and enduring, trusting, respectful love.
Ellie’s tip of the day: When love instantly hits you over the head, look closely at who’s wielding the blow.
