Last June, I crowned the best celebrity Chris (Pratt), and now it’s time to find the best celebrity Jennifer. There is a Starbucks and a Jennifer at every corner, so I had to narrow it down to a worthy pool.
Jennifer Grey 3/10
Jennifer Grey is an actress known for her roles in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and Dirty Dancing. If Grey were a cocktail, she’d be a vodka shot chased with apple juice, because I haven’t seen her in 10 years.
Jennifer Garner 4/10
Jennifer Garner is an actress (Alias, 13 Going on 30), mother, and ex-wife of Ben Affleck. She recently co-founded a baby food company, Once Upon a Farm Organics. If Garner were a cocktail, she’d be non-alcoholic sweet tea because she’s from the south, didn’t approve of Affleck’s drinking, but still appreciates tasty refreshments.
Jennifer Slate 6/10
Jennifer “Jenny” Slate is an actress, comedian and author. She has voiced characters in Zootopia, The Secret Life of Pets and Bob’s Burgers. She played a hilarious character on Parks and Recreation and co-created a short film and children’s book series Marcel the Shell with Shoes On. Slate had an on and off relationship with our third most popular Chris (Evans). If she were a cocktail, she’d be sangria, because she’s undeniably wonderful but somewhat of a seasonable flavour.
Jennifer Hudson 7/10
Jennifer Hudson is a singer and actress who got her early start on American Idol but then went on to win a Grammy and an Academy Award. She’s best known for her role alongside Beyoncé in Dream Girls. If Hudson were a cocktail, she’d be bitters, because they’re a useful ingredient that’s been hiding in the back of your cabinet (seriously, does anyone have eyes on Jennifer Hudson?).
Jennifer Lawrence 8/10
Best known for her starring roles in The Hunger Games, Silver Linings Playbook, American Hustle and X-Men, Jennifer Lawrence is hilarious, down to earth, loves reality television, and occasionally gets drunk with Amy Schumer or the Kardashians. If Lawrence were a cocktail, she’d be a margarita - delicious, fun, but you do NOT need five of them.
Jennifer Aniston 9/10
Best known for her role as Rachel in Friends and most recently, starring in the Apple TV+ series, The Morning Show, Jennifer Aniston is beloved by everyone – even her ex-husbands! If she were a cocktail, she’d be wine - well-aged and universally loved.
Jennifer Lopez 10/10
Jennifer Lopez is a singer, actress and producer. She was in The Wedding Planner, Selena and Hustlers, and most recently performed at the Super Bowl Halftime Show. Lopez is clearly the best Jennifer of all time – she’s talented beyond measure, a hard worker, so attractive that I worry she’s a hologram (have any of you touched her? DM me). If Lopez were a cocktail, she’d be a shot of fireball - hot, been around for a while, and almost everyone is game for one.
You knew their names but now you know an arbitrary rating I gave them and a cocktail I compared them to. You can finally sleep soundly.
Keely Turner takes a look at pop culture through the eyes of a P.E.I. girl with a big-city attitude. Keely lives in Toronto, working as a fitness trainer and writer, with her husband and beagle. You can find her on Instagram @KeelyMTurner.
