Christmas at ‘Louie the ‘Leggers'

Louisa, the former barkeep at The Pensioners Club, has decorated her new establishment in seasonal trim and decorations. ‘Louie the ‘leggers', as it's affectionately called by its patrons, is just down the street from the old Pen.

"Very nice," said ‘Hat' MacInnes, as he slipped in for his usual afternoon libation, "but what's with the Santa Claus in a blue suit? Where did you get that?"

"Rifle Range Burhoe brought it in last week," said Louisa. "Isn't it the freakiest Santa you've ever seen? He came with glasses, but I took them off. He looked too much like Stephen Harper when he had them on."

"Where did Rifle ever find something like that?"

"Over in Stratford. Rifle said he found it on the side of the road on trash day a couple of years ago. Apparently there was some big Tory over there expecting an appointment to the Senate, but when that Duffy guy from Ottawa got the nod, this huge pile of Tory trash appeared. Harper posters and pictures, stuff like that, ended up in the ditch, including the blue Santa, which Rifle grabbed before the garbage truck arrived."

"Oh yeah, I heard that appointment didn't go down too well with a lot of the local Conservatives," said Hat. "But why did Rifle bring that thing in here?"

"Oh, come on, Hat. You know how much Rifle and Swifty Stewart like to tease Mousie MacKay about his Conservative leanings, calling him His Royal Toriness and stuff like that," said Louisa. "I'm pretty sure they'll find a use for the blue Santa."

No sooner did Louisa have the words out of her mouth when Mousie MacKay came through the door.

"Ah, Louie, a Merry Christmas to you," said Mousie. "And to you, Hat. "And Louie, my dear, since it's Christmas, might you have a bit of eggnog that you could put some rum in for me."

"Mousie, you sound like you might have made a few stops before you got here," said Hat.

"Well, I was at the Opposition offices where the leader was offering up some noon-time munchies and a dram or two for her loyal supporters," said Mousie. "I took a pass on the munchies."

"And how is your glorious leader," asked Hat.

"She's the salt of the earth, not some Asian demi-god that your question implies, Hat MacInnes. And she can hardly wait for the winter session to be called," said Mousie. "A deficit of $73 million, and climbing, and the premier mumbling about a three per cent cut in government spending. Oh yes, Olive and her army of four can hardly wait for the legislature to open."

"Oh, Louisa. Look at your Santa Claus," beamed Mousie. "What a divine suit. I'm so sick of these Santas all dressed in red like they're on their way to a Liberal leadership convention. My soul, Louie. Look at him, he even looks a bit like Stephen Harper. Now, there's a man who really has been Santa Claus to this province. All that money the feds have poured into the Island these past few years; that's the reason we never felt the recession."

"Well, maybe we'd be better off if that blue Santa of yours would leave us alone for a while," said Swifty Stewart, who along with Rifle had come in when Mousie was waxing poetic about Louie's Santa. "I heard some Liberal on the radio this week claiming those stupid artificial hills in Borden were forced on the province by the federal government. If that's true, then those are the kind of gifts we can do without, especially since in most cases we have to pay half the cost and all of the maintenance."

"The new convention centre is another example of an unnecessary expenditure," said Rifle, "money being spent because there's matching funds. It's already in trouble, they should kill it now before it gets worse."

"I doubt the federal government forced them to build the hills," said Mousie. "They might have said, here's some infrastructure money, here's what's required to qualify for it, and the only project the provincial brains trust could come up with was the Borden hills. I'm not saying it was money well spent. I'm saying I doubt it was a project initiated by the feds."

"Boys, boys, can't we have a little less rancor?" said Louie, "I'll give everyone a free drink, if you'll just show a little Christmas spirit."

"Sort of like a matching grant," said Hat, "only harder."

Alan Holman is a freelance journalist living in Charlottetown. He can be reached at: acholman@pei.eastlink.ca